I woke up kinda early today, the first thought that composed my mind was you. This, of course, wasn’t anything new. Your soul has always been around me, its like being possessed with some demon. I feel you laying beside me before I drift off to sleep, when I’m asleep, and just as I wake up.. I feel you watching me when I eat, shower, go out, laugh, cry, talk on the phone, watch TV, or think about you.. Sometimes I imagine you suddenly walking into my room.. You know what would happen then, right? I just want to feel you beside me.. That’s all I want baby. I love you.
-
6alal was studying in a foreign country, I know that he has a lot to concentrate on, other than me. I understood this, but I just missed him. I tried calling him once more..
‘al mushtar-’
Yup, you guessed it.
-
I signed in on msn to waste some time..
Dumi™ says: 5aysaaaaa!!
S says: ?;p
Dumi™ says: y did u leeeevv ?? K was talking to uuu!!
S says: adri deema:p sry bs kan 3indy wajibat
Dumi™ says: ooookk:p well he askd 4 ur email…3A6AITA!(6)
S says: what r u trying to do deemo ;s ??
Dumi™ says: NOTHING ….just connecting people (A) - “nokia” :p
S says: bgara:p .. well antway ma wi9alni shay..
S says: anyway*
Dumi™ says: imballaaaa he added uuu :p
S says: emm ok ..
A few minutes later- K@hotmail.com would like to add you to his/her contact list!
I accepted..
K says: hala S
S says: ahlain..
K says: shlonich?;p
S says: tamam, u?
K says: b5eer.. :p
S says: 3asa doum ;p
K says: damat ayamich :p
S says: ajma3een;p
As we both wondered what to talk about, I talked to a few random friends just to catch up on stuff with them..
K says: soo..
S says: so.. ;p
K says: hows skl?
S says: good.. Sorry about last time, bs kan 3indy imti7an fa I had to study
K says: laa 3de :p
S says: ;p
K says: darsatla 3adil 3aad?;p
S says: ya3ni, ni9 ni9 ;p ana mo5i ma yistaw3ib 8awa3id so.. allah kareem :p
K says: looool :p inshala 5eeir !
We talked about random stuff.. Stuff like where we like to go out, our friends, latest movies.. just stupid little things. It lasted for about 6 hours. Just me and him talking, yes, JUST me and him.. we were both on appear offline and didn’t feel like talking to anyone else. It was getting late, around 3:38am, and we started getting dizzy..
K says: looool :p eee ok!
S says: ;p
K says: tadreen ina 9arlna sabi3 sa3at ga3deen chy?:p
S says: ulla!! Eee:p
K says: looooooool ma d5ty?:p
S says: imbala shwaya ;p
K says: roo7y namy:p
S says: u too :p!
K says: bs inty awal :p
S says: lool ok ;p tabi shay?
K says: salamtch
S says: alah esalmik
S says: bbye;p
K says: bye tc ;p
I closed my laptop, brushed my teeth and threw myself on the bed.
-
6alal..
Wainik ya 6alal
-
I grabbed my phone and dialed his number..3 rings later-
‘aloo!’
‘6alal?’
‘halaa shloonich?’
‘zaina.. wainik matrid 3alay? matdig.. shfeek?’
‘mafeeni shay ….’
I waited for a justification, but none came.
‘6alal.. shfeek mit8ayir 3lay?’
‘mo mit8ayir 3alech.. shakoo’
‘wain ily gabi kan edig oo mayhidnee loo shinoo.. ib themitik matshoof farg 3an gabil?’
‘emm.. la 3ady..’
‘aha..’
We both stayed quiet, 5 minutes of annoying silence.
‘so..’
‘soo.. - wainik?’
‘bil gahwa wiya Na9oor, intay?’
‘ana bil bait tawni imkhal9a dirasa lna 3indy imti7an 8awa3id bachir, oo kint yaya banam bs gilt adig a6aman 3alaik ashoof wainik’
‘ahaa..’
‘yup..’
Another long silence..
‘khala9 akalmich bacher ana ok?’
‘emm, ok’
‘tabeen shay?’
‘salamtik’
‘alah ysalmich, yala bye’
‘bye’
----
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Bean #2
A new msn window popped up..
Dumi™ says: hii
S says: heyy ;p
Dumi™ says: shlonich?:p
S says: good, you?;p
Dumi™ says: tamam.. :p agoool i have a frend 7ada 5osh wa7d ;P
S says: annd..?
Dumi™ says: ba3arfa 3alaich!!!:P
K has been added to the conversation!
Dumi™ says: K!! hiii
K says: hala wala
Dumi™ says: this is S ... and S this is K
K says: wn3em
S says: yin3am b7alik
Dumi™ says: soooo..
K says: so..
K says: intay wiya il 5abla bl madrsa?;p
S says: deema?..
K says: eee deema ;p
S says: yea
Dumi™: heeey! haha int il 5abll :p
S: akalmich b3dain kk i gotta go
Dumi™: laaaaish wain btro7eeen!!
S: jam3iya.. b3dain i have studies
Dumi™: 5alich shweeeyy :( ...
S: sorry ;p tc
I signed out.
_
Dakhalt the 3rd isle and picked up a few chocolate bars and some junk, and my reliable source of
energy, redbull. when I got home, I changed into a loose shirt, stayed in my panties, and threw myself on my bed.
I wonder what he's doing right now..
I reached for my poor phone. It was impatiently waiting to see some action. I dont blame it. 6alal hadnt called or texted me in a while. He was getting bored and I could feel it.. the way he'd stay quiet for five or ten minutes straight before letting out a sigh or a breath of devastation and boredom. I ofcourse, would stay quiet as I desperatley rumaged through my mind in search of something that might catch a microamount of his interest. I used to believe in love lasting forever, but after eight months of us, I put 6alal's words next to his actions and saw the enormous difference. 'Latgoleen inich 7abeebty, intay mo 7abeebty, intay zojti' he'd say, but as we entered the eighth month he'd stay quiet for 80 percent of the time leaving me with no reason or explanation for his actions.
'someones missing u, wainik?' I punched in and pressed send. I waited for 10 quiet minutes for a reply, none came.
calling 6aluy:*...
'al mushtarik la yarud yurj-'
This is what would happen everyday for 2 weeks. I'd call, he wouldnt pick up, and i wouldnt hear from him 'till the next day. i was okay with it, kind of. Just as long as he didnt leave me.
Dumi™ says: hii
S says: heyy ;p
Dumi™ says: shlonich?:p
S says: good, you?;p
Dumi™ says: tamam.. :p agoool i have a frend 7ada 5osh wa7d ;P
S says: annd..?
Dumi™ says: ba3arfa 3alaich!!!:P
K has been added to the conversation!
Dumi™ says: K!! hiii
K says: hala wala
Dumi™ says: this is S ... and S this is K
K says: wn3em
S says: yin3am b7alik
Dumi™ says: soooo..
K says: so..
K says: intay wiya il 5abla bl madrsa?;p
S says: deema?..
K says: eee deema ;p
S says: yea
Dumi™: heeey! haha int il 5abll :p
S: akalmich b3dain kk i gotta go
Dumi™: laaaaish wain btro7eeen!!
S: jam3iya.. b3dain i have studies
Dumi™: 5alich shweeeyy :( ...
S: sorry ;p tc
I signed out.
_
Dakhalt the 3rd isle and picked up a few chocolate bars and some junk, and my reliable source of
energy, redbull. when I got home, I changed into a loose shirt, stayed in my panties, and threw myself on my bed.
I wonder what he's doing right now..
I reached for my poor phone. It was impatiently waiting to see some action. I dont blame it. 6alal hadnt called or texted me in a while. He was getting bored and I could feel it.. the way he'd stay quiet for five or ten minutes straight before letting out a sigh or a breath of devastation and boredom. I ofcourse, would stay quiet as I desperatley rumaged through my mind in search of something that might catch a microamount of his interest. I used to believe in love lasting forever, but after eight months of us, I put 6alal's words next to his actions and saw the enormous difference. 'Latgoleen inich 7abeebty, intay mo 7abeebty, intay zojti' he'd say, but as we entered the eighth month he'd stay quiet for 80 percent of the time leaving me with no reason or explanation for his actions.
'someones missing u, wainik?' I punched in and pressed send. I waited for 10 quiet minutes for a reply, none came.
calling 6aluy:*...
'al mushtarik la yarud yurj-'
This is what would happen everyday for 2 weeks. I'd call, he wouldnt pick up, and i wouldnt hear from him 'till the next day. i was okay with it, kind of. Just as long as he didnt leave me.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Bean #1
dear knife*,
your a good person. you really are. i know enough about you to judge that aspect of your person. i've seen you give me things that no man would ever give a woman. you gave up your future, changed, and fought, just for me. i dont know why your still with me. i dont know why you say you love me. i secretly contemplate on ending whats between us every few hours - not because i dont want or love you anymore, but because i dont think you should be with someone like me. someone who lies 70 percent of the time, someone who cant be straightforward about anything, not about where i am, what im doing, who im with, or who i am as a person. you dont know what kind of music i listen to, i pretend to like your kind of music thinking it would interest you in me more. i start things just to get your attention. to get the feeling of occupying parts of your brain lobe. that the idea of "me" is squirming within your thoughts. i was never like this. i never got the urge to start any trouble with anyone. no one. why you? come to think of it, i wasnt ever like this, not even at the beginning of our little manifesto. we used to talk from the break of dawn 'till the sparkling moon shone down on us, we used to laugh about absolutely nothing, and open up to each other not worrying about any disagreements that might emerge every two hours or so. i miss it, i miss us, i miss the old you. im writing this, with an empty but crowded mind. i dont know what to write down and what to keep lurking inside of me. i like to think about it this way - you put me in this raging mess. oh-no baby, dont raise those perfectly drawn brows at me; you evolved me into the bitch i am now. its un explainable. i cant seem to put these past two years into useless words that will only be read by people who'd just feel sorry for us. its going to hurt too much, but i'll try to spill.
sincerely, scar.
---
*knife - a heartless man, whom i'd die for.
your a good person. you really are. i know enough about you to judge that aspect of your person. i've seen you give me things that no man would ever give a woman. you gave up your future, changed, and fought, just for me. i dont know why your still with me. i dont know why you say you love me. i secretly contemplate on ending whats between us every few hours - not because i dont want or love you anymore, but because i dont think you should be with someone like me. someone who lies 70 percent of the time, someone who cant be straightforward about anything, not about where i am, what im doing, who im with, or who i am as a person. you dont know what kind of music i listen to, i pretend to like your kind of music thinking it would interest you in me more. i start things just to get your attention. to get the feeling of occupying parts of your brain lobe. that the idea of "me" is squirming within your thoughts. i was never like this. i never got the urge to start any trouble with anyone. no one. why you? come to think of it, i wasnt ever like this, not even at the beginning of our little manifesto. we used to talk from the break of dawn 'till the sparkling moon shone down on us, we used to laugh about absolutely nothing, and open up to each other not worrying about any disagreements that might emerge every two hours or so. i miss it, i miss us, i miss the old you. im writing this, with an empty but crowded mind. i dont know what to write down and what to keep lurking inside of me. i like to think about it this way - you put me in this raging mess. oh-no baby, dont raise those perfectly drawn brows at me; you evolved me into the bitch i am now. its un explainable. i cant seem to put these past two years into useless words that will only be read by people who'd just feel sorry for us. its going to hurt too much, but i'll try to spill.
sincerely, scar.
---
*knife - a heartless man, whom i'd die for.
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